Notes on
Self-Abandonment
How we quietly leave ourselves — and how we find our way back. Written by a clinical psychologist in New York.
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Most self-betrayal is quiet.
Self-abandonment is the habit of overriding what you need, feel, or want — in order to stay safe, accepted, or in control.
It rarely looks dramatic. It looks like saying “I’m fine” when you’re not. Like shrinking to keep the peace. Like achieving when you’re depleted, and turning on yourself the moment you fall short.
None of it is a character flaw. These are intelligent adaptations — strategies learned at a time when leaving yourself was genuinely safer than being fully present. The problem is that they outlive the situation that required them.
Each letter takes one piece of that pattern and makes it legible.
One idea, clearly explained.
- 01One idea per letter — not a newsletter of links and roundups.
- 02Weekly, and a few minutes to read.
- 03No jargon, no fixing, no life hacks. Just a clearer way of understanding yourself.
- 04Written by a practising clinical psychologist — not a content team.
Dr. Justin Jones, Ph.D.
Licensed clinical and forensic psychologist in New York City, trained at Yale and Columbia. Adjunct professor of clinical psychology at Columbia University, where he teaches a course on personality disorders.
Founder and director of The Kimberly Center NYC, a programme for personality pathology, complex trauma, and chronic self-sabotage.
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